Ignornance of the Heart of Innocence
by Silverblacktears
Summary: Pilot's POV on something he feels is important Please with all my heart I'm gonna beg, R+R


Ignorance of the heart of Innocence  
  
The idea for this fic came out of nowhere, hope you enjoy it! Thanks to the creators of Farscape who made the wondrous Pilot! I hate to quote someone I do not know but suing me will make you no money for I have none to be sued of! Spoilers for this fic come thick and fast, mostly against my knowledge, so it is advisable to watch just about every single episode of series one, two and three before reading this fic! The big major spoilers come for TWWW because this is Pilot's only starring hour. Also spoilers for ItLD; WiSC. This fic is set after the previously mentioned episode. Finished on:-28/8/02(Amendments made on 5/9/02) Pilotslover Temos_ren@yahoo.co.uk ~*~*~*~*~  
  
Encounter report concerning the activities of Moya on the one thousandth and eighty-eighth solarday of her journey into the uncharted territories. Report compiled three solardays after the event.  
  
~*~*~  
  
I know it is not right for a Pilot to be thinking such thoughts but I find myself frequently wishing that the crew would include me in their discussions, it seems to me as if the crew do not want my input into situations.  
  
I know also that the crew think my input would be based around Moya and they would be right, why should I not defend that which I love most? What the crew all seem to forget is the fact that I am not Moya's original Pilot and the fact that I was not initially meant to be a Pilot. I was supposed to be a Ruler if the truth be known and this task was one I knew would not suit me, I am not a being who can make decisions easily so being a Ruler seemed ridiculous to me.  
  
This did not change the fact that this was what I was supposed to be.  
  
Maybe I should have told the crew before my two hundred and fiftieth birthday but I temporarily forgot about it due to the increasingly good relationship with Moya. She had never before seen me as her own but things now seemed to be progressing, maybe it was the fact that we were nearly bonded now or maybe it was the fact that she needed someone to help her over come Talyn's death but we seemed a lot closer now.  
  
"Hey Pilot are you going to pick up today?" John questioned into his comm. Why was it that the crew only wanted me when I was thinking or reminiscing? I turned the Comm off, it was my fault the crew were in their current situation and I was going to find them a way out of it.  
  
Maybe an explanation would help. We had encountered another Leviathan, one without a crew who had insisted on looking for the Ruler. The crew all thought that the other Pilot was confused and I did nothing to stop them from thinking this but this left them with a fully-grown male Leviathan moored to Moya with the intention of having Moya search for the Ruler with him.  
  
The most disturbing thing was the fact that the other Pilot would know who I was on sight, I am quite well known being the Ruler of a whole species after all.  
  
I realise that this account leaves many questions unanswered. So a very brief history will be required now, this history takes us back over one hundred years to the assassination of my father.  
  
My father meant the most to me in my family he was the Ruler after all and I was his only son, I was important to him. However, he died when I was one hundred and thirteen, which is the rough mentality of a nine cycles old and I ran away. I hid away in the depths of my planets poorest districts where no one knew or cared who I was and I grew up there.  
  
I know what you are thinking and I assure you that I was perfectly fine, I am still alive after all and I still have all my mental capabilities, a family of poorer citizens took me in for the next few decades. They were like my family and I loved them all dearly, perhaps I was just after a surrogate father. When I left them, I started dealing with Valorek, I was two hundred and forty-five by the time I met him and I knew that I wanted to Pilot, to see the stars I had gazed up at each night.  
  
What are the reasons I ran from my life of riches? They're simple really, first there was my age - I could not very well rule at the age of one hundred and thirteen, the second reason was my fathers death, the third was my disgust at the idea of ordering a whole species around and the fourth was the fact that I didn't think that the task given me was meant for me.  
  
Not that hard to understand but understandably I did not want the crew to know, imagine the way they would treat me? No that prospect disturbed me. Instead, Moya would insist on going on tomorrow without the male.  
  
"Pilot will you just pick up!?" John demanded angrily, I had forgotten he was there and the sudden outburst startled me. I activated the Comm.  
  
"Can I help you Crichton?"  
  
"Why haven't you picked up before?" He questioned if ever I needed an excuse it was now and one arose. Moya flashed a system to me, giving me my excuse. Thanking her from the bottom of my heart I used it.  
  
"There has been a malfunction in the voice recognition system that I have been trying to repair using your frequent Comms." He looked at me over the Holo shell and I briefly thought the bluff had been detected but he showed no sign of this being the case.  
  
"Fair do," He said and I had no idea what he meant by it, another one of his Human sayings. "Why don't you and Moya want to go looking for this Ruler?" He cut strait into my thoughts as if he knew what I was thinking.  
  
"The search would take us further away from the charted territories and I doubt the crew would want that." I lied effectively, I do not make a habit of lying but it was a skill that I had perfected during Peacekeeper capture, it still came in useful now.  
  
"Yeah but this guy's the Ruler of your kind, your dominar." I gave an involuntary shudder at being likened to Rygel and I doubted my father would have wanted me called that. "The future of your planet depends on him."  
  
"His importance has been overrated to you," I assured and I believed it, my kind didn't need a monarch with fancy rules and laws; they needed a being who could sort out their problems, someone who could shed the chains of Peacekeeper collaboration and set right the past cycles that my kind has endured in Peacekeeper oppression. "My kind would find a new Ruler were the Princling not to return to them." John regarded me for a minute more then I would have liked. "If he were smart enough he would be as far away as possible."  
  
"You're kidding me? The lucky sod's got it made." He laughed, "Who in their right mind would turn down the right to have what they want?" I knew that if I said anything I would incriminate myself, so I remained silent making it seem as if I was just listening. John was on his way to my chamber now and I followed his progress via the DRD's.  
  
He arrived in a very short time and sat on my panel; I would have thought the crew would wait to be invited before sitting on my panel; this panel was my world just as they lived in their world. I looked at him and he smiled. "So you don't envy this guy?"  
  
"Why would I?" I queried, answering a question with a question often worked in confusing Crichton and it was a tactic I tried often. The Human looked at me and his expression told me to stop playing with him. "The Ruler may have become a Pilot for the mere reason that he does not want to be a king." I suggested hopefully, he nodded thoughtfully.  
  
"Why'd you become a Pilot?" He questioned unexpectedly. I looked at him and hoped the mere ferocity of the gaze would cause him to stop pursuing that particular line of questioning. Hope really is a fickle thing, much like luck really.  
  
"I wanted to see the stars." I told him honestly. When Aeryn and I had been forced to look at our pasts again I had said I had just wanted to see the stars and I realised that it was what I had wanted to do. I had been joking myself with the excuses of my fathers death - I did not want to be a Ruler because I wanted to be a Pilot and the conversations with my parents in early life reminded me of this now but they are unimportant.  
  
He left then for no diagnosable reason and I returned to my thoughts for a few arns.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Roughly, three arns later I was jolted violently by something I could not see or sense but I knew what it was. Somehow, they had caught up with me; somehow they would found where I was. I called out the beasts name, which translates into 'Matnoch' and it appeared before me.  
  
A Matnoch is a demonic beast, thought by many to be a legend and it used by my kind to bring back those who should not be Piloting. It is much like a dog Crichton described to me, with wings and vicious red eyes that shine with malice. Its jaws are huge and fire breathing, its mere appearance terrifies its victims but I had been taught to nullify them.  
  
This training alone confirmed my identity for it is the royals that control these beasts and it is only those of royal blood who can control them but I would rather have the whole universe know who I was meant to be then be taken by the jaws of a Matnoch.  
  
I shouted the spell to it, it was a long spell, which had been known to fail when needed most due to the levels of panic in a voice but my voice remained steady, and I felt fortunate that it did. The Matnoch faded and disappeared.  
  
It had returned to the nearest Leviathan, unfortunately for me it happened to be moored to Moya.  
  
~*~*~  
  
"Please answer me," The male's Pilot begged into my Comm. This was silly, Moya and I had to leave we had to go somewhere and we had to go fast. "The Chalock Whren will be here in a solarday, you have that time to make peace with your crew and tell them who you are."  
  
"Leave me alone, I'm not going home!" I shouted angrily, Moya hummed her agreement with me and purred. "I'm staying here where I belong connected to a being that needs me more then you all do." I cut the Comm hitting the panel a little harder then was necessary.  
  
I felt so angry, so . so . I felt so bad and so guilty that the words evade me still. The crew knew nothing still and wondered if I could conduct this whole affair without them even noticing. Crichton has once told me a saying of sorts 'no body notices what I do until I stop doing it' and I heeded this comment fully; I was well aware that if I neglected even one small duty whilst this whole situation figured itself out then they would notice.  
  
One solarday to tell, one day until me life changed, one day to come up with a logical plan.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Unfortunately I had no way of coming up with a plan in under a Solarday and the Chalock Whren arrived early. The Chalock Whren are pirates employed by my kind to track and return the unfaithful Pilot's to my kind, they are effective and fast and I had no chance in frell of escaping them.  
  
Perhaps I had become distant and remote recently for Aeryn guessed something was wrong. My closest bipedal friend frequently noticed when I was distracted and when I was thinking of something else. "Did you know him?" She questioned upon entering the den.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"How did you know him?"  
  
I knew I had to tell her and it was simpler to do it now that she had asked. "You know him too Aeryn," I murmured watching her from under the rim of my lowered carapace. "He and I am the same," She looked shocked briefly but then her faced filled with understanding.  
  
"That's why you didn't want to go after him," She guessed. "You knew that one of you're kind would know you and then you'd be discovered." I nodded sombrely and raised my head. She watched me for a few microts, and when I looked into her eyes I touched her thoughts briefly.  
  
This ability to touch the thoughts of others is not common to my kind, far from it, but it is a skill I possess. This skill allows me to scrape the surface of a person's thoughts, letting me see what they are thinking at the time. For this power to work I must have eye contact with the victim. Victim? What am I, a demon?  
  
Her thoughts currently showed me more clearly then her expression, her shock and confusion but beneath these both I could feel her hurt and betrayal. She felt upset that I had not told her that I was who I was, I was not going to mention this for I knew that she'd guess of my limited mind reading capabilities and I felt she had learnt enough about me for that day.  
  
"Why didn't you tell us?" She queried, I had been expecting that, I had been formulating an answer to that and many other questions. I looked at her again, my head had dropped away from her gaze whilst I had thought briefly and I prefer to look at whom I am speaking too.  
  
Then I stopped before speaking, I could not say the reason I had not told the crew was because I did not trust them but that was why. It sounds selfish for a Pilot to say they do not trust those who are responsible for their care, it is a little foolish also but the attitude of some of the crew concerning secrets was not promising.  
  
"I feared that a member of my species would accidentally find out who I was," I told her and she gave a small smile. I found Aeryn to be one of the few bipeds I had ever understood; she has clear aims and goals that elude her sometimes but are clear to me, I understand her better then I understand myself sometimes.  
  
"You didn't want Rygel to sell you out did you?" She questioned rhetorically. She knew the answer already for it was written all over my face. I have difficulty understanding Rygel, when I think I know what he is going to do he will change his mind and do something else. After Zhaan had died I had been highly surprised when he had came and spent time with me, I'm not sure if I trust him and what he had said then disturbed me deeply.  
  
"I do not want to go home Aeryn," I admitted and I felt it was about time I told someone. She nodded in understanding. "The Chalock Whren will be here in under an arn and Moya's ability to Starburst it limited due to the males proximity, I have no choice but to go home."  
  
"You're quitting?" She accused, I shook my head but I knew I was. In such a hopeless situation keeping my optimism is difficult and I was not sure I could do it. "You can't see an obvious way out so you're going to stop looking. I never assumed that you'd be ready to quit so easily!"  
  
"I am not quitting Aeryn," I told her evenly, though I felt far from calm. "I am just admitting that there is no way out of my current circumstance, you and the others should vacate to the other Leviathan; I will not be here much longer to regulate life support."  
  
"Frell you won't!" She snapped. "Pilot you're staying here, your people can find someone else to rule them!" I sighed and waited for her to accept the situation. She looked at me and all at once I saw a small Sebacean girl being told by her mother of her conception, her expression exactly matched the one on her face from the recording and I felt very old suddenly.  
  
What you must understand is the ludicrous nature of this statement, I was mentally only reaching eighteen so to feel old made no sense. Aeryn is mentally older then me yet I felt old and worn thinking of her past, so recent, and realised that to her I am very old, two hundred and fifty is not a common age to a Sebacean.  
  
"Why are they coming after you now? Why didn't they come when they first knew you were a Pilot?" She questioned and she was herself again, I looked at her and hoped that she would realise the answer but she did not.  
  
"I was one hundred and thirteen when I left my home, that's nine in general mentality, I could not have ruled then. The temporary Rulers given to my people have clearly decided to wait to look for me on a specific date." I explained feeling very annoyed at the primitive language I was forced to use. She looked at me she clearly thought she knew what the date was.  
  
"Your birthday?"  
  
"Very perceptive,"  
  
"What's so special about this cycle? Why wait all this time before coming after you?"  
  
"My planet had to be searched first; I left the planet without telling many people where I was going. Also, this cycle is special because it is my two hundred and fiftieth birthday." She looked a little confused again but I remained silent.  
  
"If one hundred and thirteen was nine then two hundred and fifty is ." She murmured softly attempting to do the math off the top of her head, rather then letting her fail attempting such a feat I took her shoulder gently and told her that it was eighteen. "Eighteen? You're only eighteen?" I nodded slowly, I had expected her to have hysterics about this, I do not think I would want a teenager Piloting such a massively complex ship either.  
  
I looked at her hopefully and hoped she would forget this fact out of friendship, she looked back and seeing something lingering in my eyes, she nodded. "Alright, I suppose it could be worse. We need a plan Pilot, a tactic that will drive the Chalock Whren into leaving you alone."  
  
"The Chalock Whren are known for their perseverance and determination," I told her unnecessarily for she knew this having once been a Peacekeeper; she had probably worked with some of them. "Nothing will cause them to leave me alone unless I die!"  
  
She looked as if a God had sent her a revelation, I noted the look in her eye and felt a little edgy, when Aeryn Sun's eyes held a certain look it was not necessary for me to scrape her thoughts; she had a plan, a devious and quite probably malicious plan.  
  
~*~*~  
  
When the Chalock Whren arrived they found a dark and seemingly abandoned Moya, as far as I was concerned she was for Aeryn would not tell me all of her plan for fear that if I were tortured I would tell them.  
  
I waited nervously for the Chalock Whren to arrive, looking at that moment in retrospect it had to be the third most terrifying thing that I have done once bonded to Moya; the first and second ones had been when I had initially arrived aboard her and then I had not been sitting alone in the dark.  
  
With no crew I noticed the lack of light in my chamber for the majority of the light came from my panel and the minimal life-support I kept operational for myself, gave off very little light. It has been thought by many that the darkness of a Pilot's chamber helps to increase our multitasking capabilities, this is untrue it is dark in the Pilot's chamber so that the Leviathan's energy can be best spent on something else. Perhaps it is simply the fact that I am not meant to Pilot but I dislike the dark, when I was younger I could not sleep in the dark and occasionally this particular phobia surfaced.  
  
The door to my Den rattled slightly and I started physically, choosing one of Crichton's sayings you could say it was show time.  
  
The Chalock Whren are bipedal but they are do not have a Sebacean appearance, the closest parallel I can think of is a 'Chra'. I am unsure what that is off my own world so I will attempt to describe one.  
  
Most of the Chalock Whren pirates come from the species known as Chraistaei to my people. They are large for bipeds, for them being D'argo's height is just under average - this makes sense seeing as they deal with my kind who are taller then most bipeds. They vary in colour and in the markings they have, the closest off world parallel would be the Scarren's. Huge and vicious spikes cover them in places, namely the throat, top of the head, back and lower arms; the ones at the throat are designed to stop attack there.  
  
Whilst living as a royal I had met some of the pirates first hand, as servants to my lineage and I very much doubted this encounter would be as pleasant. I never speak badly of the Chalock Whren for they fulfil a purpose on my world but I am terrified of them, I was scared of them before when they had been there at my fathers wishing now they were here without my wishing them present.  
  
The door to my den was flung open and they entered, not just one or two but a whole squad of twelve beings. With their triumphant roars they entered with their weapons raised, a few with spears and swords and more with pulse weapons, all these weapons were levelled at me and I felt ready to surrender due to the fear.  
  
I would not! "Your trip has been wasted," I told them evenly, though even I could hear the nerves in my voice. A number of the pirates laughed harshly at my tone and I felt like a little child again being picked on due to my unusual tastes. The leader of this bunch of pirates was the overall leader of all the pirates, Captain Zalaski; he was not a Chraistaei but a Scarren.  
  
I recognised him on sight for I had met him before, he looked at me through his cold black eyes and an involuntary shudder ran over me. "Getting yourself into trouble aren't we?" He purred in a voice that reminded me of Scorpius. He had predicted my being a troublemaker when we had first met.  
  
"I am not the one making the trouble you are." I told him boldly and he gave a horse chuckle that made me shiver. "Leave me alone, I do not want to return, I do not want to leave Moya." He looked at me and there was no kindness in his gaze, I may as well have been speaking to one of the crew's lunches for all the feeling he showed me!  
  
"Let me make this easy for you, Pilot." He used my title mockingly for he meant me no respect as a Pilot. He took my cheeks in his hideous hands and held my face close to his. "You are the Ruler and you have a job. We, the Chalock Whren, are here to make sure that you go home to do that job; there are two ways we can do this, two!" I gave one of the most anger-filled glares I have ever given towards any being to the Captain but it had no effect on him.  
  
"So let me lay down for you the two ways," he continued. "Number one; you come, calmly, with us to your planet and we all treat each other like living beings. Or two; I let my pirates loose on you and they get you home how they know to."  
  
"About time, I thought the boss was going a little soft." I heard one of the pirates whispering to his companion. "How do you want to see it done? Slowly or quickly?"  
  
"Show some respect D'jon!" A female voice whispered in return. "This guy's their king and you mauling him so bad they can't see his face isn't going to help!"  
  
I watched the captain for a few microts and he watched me back. I have always prided myself in being able to stare people down, it is one of the few things I inherited from my mother, I used that skill now and it worked.  
  
"Neither option will be open to you much longer!" He snarled, evidently not pleased about being stared down by a mere Pilot. "Which will you choose?" He queried speaking my name.  
  
"Neither, I am staying here with Moya!" I snapped feeling so angry and upset. Moya purred and rumbled her agreement with me. Moya has known of my heritage all along - she had mocked me something terrible about it when she had hated me, she called me some awful names related to my task back then. Some of the things she had said really hurt and when I was alone I would cry about it.  
  
~Tell them where to take their task, Kingy.~  
  
*Kingy? Where did that come from?*  
  
~Your not my prince any more, you're a king! From what I understand they are under your control. No one outranks you, you're the leader, and you're in command! You're the boss, the man in charge, the big boss. You are the greatest being on your planet, you are in command!~  
  
*Moya, I love you dearly but I would prefer if you tell me what you mean rather then go into your long rambles.*  
  
~Sorry you'd ramble to if you only had you were the only person you could talk to.~ She joked and I wondered how she could do so in the face of such evil, then I realised that it was all she could to so I let her laugh. ~Tell them to frell off.~  
  
*I cannot do that.*  
  
~Why ever not?~  
  
*Because it's not civil, if I am going home then I want to rule correctly and telling the Chalock Whren to frell off would not be the right thing to do.*  
  
~You rule here Pilot, whilst the crew think they rule here there's only ever been one person I've listened to and that is you! You mean the universe to me and loosing you would be the final bad thing I'm willing to accept - without you I'd have no one, I'd be alone, I've lost my first Pilot, Zhaan and I've lost Talyn I don't think I could face loosing you to; not now, not ever!~  
  
This speech shook me to my heart, I felt torn between responsibilities and love but never as before. I listened to Moya's near cry and felt my heart would break.  
  
I knew now what I would do. "I am staying with Moya," I announced with more conviction then I had before. "Nothing you or anyone else can do will change it, I would sooner die then leave and I will die if you separate me from Moya now!"  
  
"We have ways of keeping those who have left alive and you know that."  
  
"I do," I said and there was something chilling to my voice that I felt proud of, never before had my voice sounded so cold and collected. The sentiment was clear for them all to hear, I would kill myself if they took me home and I had no fear of doing it.  
  
Zalaski sneered coldly; I could tell my comment had shaken him for he did not look me in the eyes. It is not common ground that beings take their own life on my world - it was seen as unclean and if I did it, I the Ruler, then the whole planet would be in turmoil.  
  
"You've chosen your path and it is the one we deliver you along." I watched him for a few microts but he would not look at me. "Right, Firkas take Higgins and Likous beneath and start clamping the tendrils, keep your wits about you I trust this Pilot as far as I could throw the Leviathan!"  
  
Three of the soldiers left, I recognised one of them from the palace too and realised in a flurry that she was the one who had spoken earlier. Her name was Li'kara Firkas, she and I had been acquaintances on my world. I held a fleeting look with her as she descended the ladder in my chamber.  
  
~*~*~  
  
I know very little of what the rest of the crew did whilst I was being spoken with but I was sure Aeryn's plan was very devious and cunning for all her plans are. I feel glad that my fate was in the hands of such an acclaimed tactician, she also had the help of Chiana, whose flirty nature often assisted many a plan.  
  
With a rush of shock, I felt the swoon of starvation, they had clamped my tendrils, and they were going to cut the food ones first, giving me the benefit of Moya's gentle loving care until they took me.  
  
"How are you doing down there? I doubt this creature will remain as complacent for much longer." The Captain called to his crew who were under my body. I sneered at him, wondering silently how things had changed since this male had called me sir and been servant to my will.  
  
"All the cables are clamped, just waiting for the fluid to drain so we can cut them." Li'kara shouted back. I gave an involuntary shudder, not from emotional pain for I have long since learnt to stop showing when I am emotionally hurt but because of the pain coursing my body from the clamps.  
  
It is hard to explain what happened for I remain unsure now but from what I have come to understand the clamps contained a poison of sorts that caused the clamped tendril to become numb. It is still a poison so the effects are as painful as having the tendril cut straight off - the poison had made me shudder and in was making me ill.  
  
One of the pirates noticed my reaction and looked concerned, his brow furrowed slightly. "Sir the clamps are affecting him, not normally, I don't think they were cleaned properly, I may have forgotten to clean them." A fist hit this young creature and sent him to his knees. The Captain stood over the other Scarren with a scowl on his face.  
  
"The numbing agent isn't clean sir; the area isn't a healthy colour." One of the pirates beneath yelled. I looked weakly at the young Scarren on the ground; he righted himself, I saw he was bleeding from a cut by his mouth.  
  
Poison infections have always affected me more then they would normally; I seem to have an abnormal intolerance of them. The poison was working quickly and causing me a great deal of pain, shortly after its discovery I found it hard to move, even to speak was painful.  
  
Li'kara joined the captain and removed him from what she thought my hearing range was, I could hear every whispered word. "Your son's right, he won't cope with the level of infection, you studied the case notes too; someone will have to go to the ship and fetch a new set of clamps."  
  
"We don't have time for that, just remove the clamps and slice the tendrils!" he ordered impatiently, Li'kara nodded obediently. I found myself pondering why Aeryn and the others had not come to rescue me; maybe they had left Moya as I feared.  
  
I felt betrayed because I have done nothing but help the crew since they were thrown aboard my ship against their will and against mine, where were they now? Where were they when I needed them the most? Part of me felt that I had gone full circle, after all I had gained Moya through some happy chance and I had no right to her, perhaps I did deserve what was coming for me.  
  
The other half of me felt that Aeryn cared enough for me to offer me her life when I was in turmoil so she would care enough to save my life. Why would she not?  
  
Why would she?  
  
I realised that saving my life would serve no purpose to the crew; in fact letting me be captured solved two problems for it removed the adolescent creature from their ship and they would also be back in the chartered territories for Moya would need a new Pilot.  
  
With a shocking revelation I recognised that it was the poison making me think this and it was Moya who helped me to realise this for she brought my attention to it. ~You've told me yourself that you are not good with poisons, Aeryn will come and save you, if she doesn't then I'll think of something.~  
  
*What are you going to do? You are a Leviathan not a Sebacean!*  
  
~Ohhhhh,~ she moaned and I realised that I had hurt her deeply. ~I thought it didn't matter to you what I was!~ I murmured soft and loving things to her, telling her how much she meant to me and how it didn't matter to me what she was and to my delight she accepted it all.  
  
~*~*~  
  
I opened my eyes to behold a huge, well-lit regal room, and I feared that I had been returned home but realised this was silly for I did not remember the journey. The room was lavishly decorated, far too richly for my tastes - I never appreciated the overindulgence of the royals, and there was evidence of there having been a party, a huge and chaotic party.  
  
Coming towards me was a beautiful Sebacean woman, she had tanned skin with luscious golden brown hair that was loose and fell to her waist, with loose curls at the base. I looked at her face to see her eyes and she had the most gorgeous hazel eyes I have ever seen. She wore a black dress with small silver stars sown onto it. She motioned for me to join her and despite feeling I should have joined her I declined.  
  
She came to me, taking my hand. This is what started to tell me that I was not in my own reality, I have claws not hands and I am proud that I do not have hands - I personally find bipedal hands ungainly. She tugged me to my feet with surprising strength and held me in her arms.  
  
I looked at her again, feeling a hugely abnormal rush. I knew who she was! How I did not recognise her before was beyond me, I had been in her constant company for many cycles now and I had not recognised her in another form.  
  
"You're not conscious," She murmured softly in my ear as we danced together. A slow dance, not one of many twists and turns in fact it was a very slow and thoughtful dance. "I've tried to speak with you for nearly half an arn now without you listening, and then you came here for some bizarre reason."  
  
The form I was in blushed slightly, I had no idea why my mind had brought me here; it must be one of those situations that are dragged from the past, this ball had happened before. When I was living as a royal there was a ball held once a cycle and I was forced to attend, at under nine cycles old I had no idea why I was forced to attend so I spent most of the time hiding under a table or such like until the end.  
  
"It is just a memory," I assured hoping she was not going to assume I was a being who frequently escaped to a daydream such as this. "A memory I found hard to stand then; my intolerance for the poison must have rendered me unconscious, either that or I am dead and you are my angel." She smiled at this observation, not realising that I really felt I was dead.  
  
"No you're not dead, not unless I am too," She assured me softly. "You must wake up Pilot, you must!" I nodded, I wanted to wake up but regaining consciousness was not something that I have ever had control over.  
  
We sat down on the rubbish-laden ground and she was looking at me. "What?" I asked involuntarily, I did not mean to be so blunt with her and I thought belatedly of what to say. "Sorry, what are you looking at me like that for Moy's?" Moy's is my little nickname for Moya for she seemed to love calling me anything other then Pilot and I felt I should give her a nickname too.  
  
"You're very pretty, for a Sebacean." She commented shyly. I was smiling bashfully because of this observation and she smiled back. "You have your proper eyes, like small stars and hair as blue as I imagine your carapace to be!" She has never seen the real me but she has so often badgered me for a description that she may have well have done. I pity her the fact that she cannot see whom she is joined to for I can see her all around me.  
  
"You are very pretty too," I told her softly and her face lit up with joy, "Just like you are really." She took both my hands in hers and kept looking me in the eyes. "I really must try and wake up now Moy's, this trip into my psyche has left you with enough to tease me with for long enough."  
  
I turned from her fearing that if I continued to look at her that I would not concentrate on the job at hand. I thought hard and I could feel the pain of my real body vividly.  
  
~*~*~  
  
When I finally woke Aeryn and Joolusko were sitting in my chamber, the Interion seemed to be monitoring my internal circulation rate and the Sebacean was looking at her weapon. I moved my head and both startled slightly. "Levels of poison are now clear, can I go now?" Jool moaned slightly, Aeryn got rid of her with a motion.  
  
"It's good to see you awake," she greeted. "I feared Crichton's little stunt had killed you." I looked at her curiously. "They don't know anything you've told me."  
  
"Thank you,"  
  
"You lucky you have something to thank me for, what idiot cuts a Pilot's internal circulation to startle a bunch of pirates?" She ranted slightly and I started to see what had occurred. Crichton had evidently attempted what he had when Tallip had inhabited my body.  
  
Neither of us spoke for a while and I sensed an odd betrayal, she still felt betrayed. "No on knew Aeryn, no one. Not even Valorek." I assured her softly, our eyes locked. "I do not want the others to ever know, things are bad enough without everybody worrying over my problems."  
  
"Will there be more pirates?"  
  
"That depends,"  
  
"Depends on what?"  
  
"Whether or not they believed I was dead," I told her, my voice barely above a whisper. She looked away from me and my gaze went to the panel. "They may have believed that the poison had killed me but I am not sure." She got off the panel. "There is no need to worry about the pirates Aeryn, they will not find us if we still have to flee the Peacekeeper's."  
  
"What happens when the Peacekeepers stop chasing us?" She questioned rhetorically, I looked at her hoping that she would let me try to get out of this situation. I had not meant for her to catch me out like this, admittedly there was a flaw to my logic that could not be escaped what if the crew were killed or left Moya and I? The Peacekeeper's would not continue to chase Moya and myself unless they badly wanted Moya for peacekeeper service.  
  
"Then I run,"  
  
"I thought you liked logic, I thought you thought things through?" Her comments stabbed at me and I found myself wishing there was a quick fix to this situation, which of course there was not. "There is no logic to your thinking, there is no order to it and it seems to be based on hope."  
  
"My whole life has been based on hope Aeryn!" I snapped uncharacteristically. "Hope that I would die the next solarday so that I was no longer a royal! Hope that Valorek would deliver to me what he promised! Hope that Moya would finally look upon me as he Pilot and not as some little faker! Hope that you and the others would show me the respect the others of my kind get!"  
  
Only after I had blurted out the depths of my heart did I realise what I had said, there was no way to change it or to take it back and I felt so open, so dim-witted, and so childish! I looked at Aeryn and felt tears leak from my eyes, why was I crying?  
  
Aeryn seemed to understand why I was in tears; she looked at my face and took my lower right claw in her hands. "Happy Birthday Pilot," she said softly, she chose to ignore my outburst, to pretend I had not just said what I had and for that I felt grateful.  
  
"Thank you Aeryn Sun," There was a duel meaning to my thanks and neither of them had anything to do with wishing me a happy birthday; I was thanking her for ignoring what I had said and thanking her for saving my life.  
  
She let my claw go, as if scared of being connected to me in anyway. "Your rescue was a little slow, Crichton didn't want us to shoot the pirates; he saw you unconscious and came up with cutting your internal circulation rate."  
  
"It worked, the pirates are gone now and they will not return for roughly a cycle." I told her, trying to get her to leave the issue. There was another pause and Aeryn started down the walkway. I watched her leave feeling no reason to call her back.  
  
~*~*~  
  
So concludes my report concerning Moya encounter with the Chalock Whren. This report cannot be seen as usual for the events within are anything but normal. On a personal note this whole encounter stirred up many memories that I would have liked to leave on my home world, it even stirred up my memories of Valorek briefly. Over all the whole encounter was awkward and uncomfortable, I hope to forget this as soon as possible.  
  
Encounter Report completed and stored for later reference.  
  
END 


End file.
